I’ve offended a Hollywood actor… (AKA: “How many Tweets does it take to get blocked? If you’re me, two.”)

It was a lovely Saturday afternoon. My husband, kids and I had finished cleaning up the house and frankly, I was wiped out. I had spent all week trying to get over an upper respiratory infection and in typical fashion, once I feel well enough to do something, I overdo it. Arnie decided to take the kids to a local boat “showroom” to let me have some time to lay down. I did rest, a lot. But they were gone for a while. So after I woke up from my nap I opened my laptop. I have a Twitter account but don’t participate much. The following story is probably why:

I’m not sure how I came to find Mr. Craig Bierko on Twitter. I think someone retweeted something he said or something someone else said and when I went to their page, he had commented on something else… I really don’t remember, Twitter confuses me. But somehow I found myself on his Twitter page reading his tweets which were all really funny AND intelligent. I clicked the “Follow” button. Let it be known that I did the same thing to two other people- Mindy Kaling from “The Office” and Michael Ian Black who is completely hilarious. His last tweet at the time I wrote this was: “Hey E.E. Cummings, the whole lower case thing is stupid.” I want more of that in my day.

So, I began following Craig Bierko. Very soon afterward he tweeted like 10 things in a row. Most of them in response to other people’s tweets to him. “That’s cool”, I naively thought. I wonder if he would respond to something I said? One of the tweets had a link to his IMDB page. I thought that was kind of funny because if you’re following him you presumably know who he is. At least I did. I’ve been a fan for a long time. He’s a multi-talented actor who has been in numerous TV shows, movies and was nominated for a Tony award. He is the only reason I actually downloaded the pilot for his new show “Unhitched” from iTunes. I’ve NEVER done that. For any actor. Anyway, I went to his IMDB page mainly so I could look at the pictures of him. He’s a very handsome man with awesome hair. While there, I saw there were like 60 entries. The dude has been busy. Sarcastically I tweeted “@MrCraigBierko thanks for pointing me to your IMDB page. It’s really a shame your career hasn’t taken off like it should.” thinking he would get that it was a joke. I mean, this isn’t Spencer Pratt we’re talking about here. He’s been in the biz for quite a while and has worked consistently for years.

He didn’t get it. He kind of retweeted me but didn’t include everything I said, just the part about his career and said this in response: “@laffingmama I’m deeply grateful for my portion of gravy & wish u the same”. Okay, he didn’t get my sarcasm and he’s trying to take the high road. Admirable. But I still want to let him know I’m joking. So, I tweeted: “@MrCraigBierko you wish me a portion of your gravy? Awesome. Also, you have the best hair in mankind”. I even put a compliment in there to let him know I AM a fan. I guess he read the compliment as sarcasm and everything else as what I actually meant because he retweeted me (again, only the bad portion) and responded with this: “Yes – and now I wish you into the cornfield. On your way.” and then he blocked me from following him! Wow. I was floored. I’ve never been blocked before. I only have 130 tweets and most of them are about David Cook! I’m really not that controversial!

I went over everything I said. Yes, it was sarcastic and it is electronic media which gets misinterpreted all the time. But he himself is sarcastic in his tweets to people so I thought he was someone who could see it coming. As a matter of fact, in response to one of his fans who tweeted “New follower here, just wanted to say “hi” he said “You’re suffocating me”. Funny! Of course, right after that he said “Welcome” I guess as a way to let her know he was totally joking. Maybe that was my mistake. I should have put something like “just kidding, I think you’re awesome” in the first tweet but Twitter only gives you 140 characters and I had used most of them up on the snark. Stupid Twitter.

I’m not sure if you’re aware of how Twitter works but when someone retweets you, everybody that follows them sees what you tweeted. Or, in this case, what Craig Bierko wanted them to see of my tweet. One of his friends stood up for him after my first tweet and said “How strangely rude, thoughtless & inaccurate.”. I know it’s inaccurate! That’s why it’s a joke! I didn’t say it was GOOD joke, but it’s a joke! I mean, good job sticking up for your friend. I really like that. But I SWEAR I am not rude or thoughtless. Possibly a bad joke teller, but not rude or thoughtless. On second thought, a nun in our high school used to accuse us of being crude, rude and socially unacceptable so maybe Craig’s friend had something with the rude thing. Of course as with anything, there are many opinions. Another guy tweeted that he agreed with me. I hope Craig Bierko blocked him too because I was just joshing but this guy seemed like he was seriously questioning the actor’s success.

I didn’t know what to do. My ears were burning. I wasn’t mad, I was sad. Sad that my words were being twisted and that I was misunderstood. I kind of felt like… well, how a Hollywood actor might feel if they find themselves in a tabloid magazine filled with lies and half truths. And if that’s how you feel I NEVER want to become famous. (Not that there’s any fear of that.) I felt bad for Craig Bierko who thought he was being made fun of by an internet troll. That was SO not my intention. So I did the only thing I knew of to do. I said I was sorry. I sent him one last tweet: “@MrCraigBierko I apologize. I really am a fan and didn’t mean to offend. My mother raised me better. Mea culpa.”. There was no response.

I’m going to have to be okay with that. I felt really guilty about the whole exchange. I have this personality defect where I want EVERYBODY to like me. The fact that I don’t even know this person doesn’t matter. He doesn’t like me. He doesn’t like me so much that he chose to delete me, as if my very presence on his “followers” list was a black mark on his life. Well, that may be too dramatic. But, he blocked me! And that sucks. I feel like I was docked karma points because of all this. I’m afraid that one day I’ll find myself in LA and get into a grizzly accident and that Craig Bierko will be the only witness. He’ll come running to my rescue but then recognize me as the bitch who mocked him on Twitter and will simply shake his head disapprovingly and walk away, leaving me in the burning wreckage. In reality though, he seems like a very nice guy and would probably save me anyway.

Twitter is a strange thing. You don’t know these people. Yet you can tweet perfect strangers ANYTHING that pops into your head. And by reading their tweets you get a glimpse into their life which you probably shouldn’t have anyway. (One time David Cook tweeted a picture of what he was cooking on his grill and I thought it was kind of cool but creepy at the same time. I mean, it looked really yummy but do I really need to know what the winner of American Idol season 7 is eating for dinner?) Lesson learned, Craig Bierko. I’ll stick to tweeting only my actual friends or just the Twitterverse in general. Or better yet, do something good with my life like volunteering at the Food Bank. Clearly when I have time on my hands I don’t make good choices. By the way, I’m still a fan and will watch your TV shows and movies. And you do have awesome hair.